So last night I had a pretty rough emotional night and I was feeling as if no one really liked me. Now I know that it’s irrational to think that my friends don’t like me or anything but that’s what emotions are. They can be guided by fears and insecurities. It happens but the important thing is not to let them control you. I don’t mean you have to ignore them but you don’t have to accept them in you’re heart and devote all your time to those emotions that drag you down. Sometimes it takes a few deep breathes to gather yourself, to find your courage and handle with those feelings. So I woke up this morning and decided today’s entry would be a letter to my lovely friends who I am lucky to have in my life. So here it is:
Thank you for being there for me, for sending me messages to me when I am having trouble. Thank you to those who live within driving distances and you see things I post, call me up and take me out for a drink to talk. Thank you to those who live far away, both those who I have and those who I haven’t met in person but who take the time to write me small notes of love.
I know I can be ridiculous, annoying, and obnoxious. I know I can say things that come out wrong or things that offend you. I’m trying to work on not being like this so much. I’m sorry for being that way; I am sorry for ever coming across in a way that is less than acceptable. I am trying to let go of notions introduced to me as a child that I have grown more aware of being problematic. I am trying to be a better person and I know it is a rough journey. I can’t express how much grateful I am that you all are sticking with me.
Thank you so much for believing in me at all, for helping me on my journey of being a better person. I have had a lot of people tell me what I am doing wrong and not out of love. Yet you guys tell me in an effort to make me be more aware what I say I know it isn’t because you hate me or think I am stupid. I love how each and every one of you is working towards making the world a better place. I am in awe of the intelligence and desire for equality in all of you to be honest. You care so much for others and I can only hope that I can grow to be as loving as all of you are to both people you know and those you don’t but know that you are out there who deserve to be defended.
Thank you for giving me the courage and support I need when I’m afraid to step away from those who are toxic for me. I have a hard time cutting off those who threaten actions that drag me down to a place that makes the trauma in the shadows all the more haunting. Each one of you believes that it’s okay to be weak and need help, which unfortunately is a belief that is too rare in our world. So many times, women who need help are placed lower than those who don’t when ladies who need help and ladies who don’t are equal because they both have weaknesses and strengths in themselves. You all helped me most when I need it and I want you all to know that there is no knight in shining armor who could be as brave as you perfect princesses in flower crowns given to you by the goddess of spring herself (even the few mistresses of all evil who get mixed in).
Each and every one of you has gifted me with an gift that is so uniquely your own individual selves. You are all so special and I cannot express how much I adore you all. Thank you for making everything better just by being in my life anyway you can.You are the most amazing people ever and I can’t begin to describe how much you do for me in one general letter. But I will for each of you are my inspirations, my guides to being a better person. I have had a lot of friends leave me behind, walk away for so many reasons. But I hope you are all in my life for a long time to come.
I love you all,